How’s Life Lately?

Yes, that's a question for you. How would you answer it? Pause for a moment.

Will you use one word, or will you get into details with me?

Most of you would say good or great even if life wasn't treating you that way. We hide behind the layers of our day-to-day how we really feel about our lives and ourselves. Whether we like it or not, the outside strongly influences the inside.

Our responses can change over time, though. When you get a certain age, things you tolerated or made excuses for don't sit the same way. Things begin to shift and change, and it's almost as if your inner girl asks you to look again.

In your 50s and 60s, you really lose a bit of patience – okay, a lot of patience! I know some of you are probably laughing because you can totally relate. I wonder what the 70s and 80s are like because the "I'm not going to waste my energy" attitude must really soar by then. These 'tudes change your approach to life. I know it has for many other women and me.

Maybe that's not you. Perhaps you're stuck or lost somewhere in the middle and haven't gotten there yet, and you're wondering, "Well, who am I now?" or "What now?"

I want to give you hope and let you know that a few of us have been there, done that, and we probably have several of those t-shirts we can give out.

Do you need one?

The Common Thread

Don't lose hope. We all go through the “I’m not sure what life is going to look like without (fill-in-the-blank)” in our own unique way, with a common thread that we can relate to.

That thread points to the same path, believe it or not. It points to you, who you truly are, what makes you sad, passionate, motivated, angry, and inspired, and basically the ball of wax that is you.

The challenge, though, is that over the years, you may have lost a great part of you because many of your needs had to go on the back burner. What's even more unsettling is that working for others could also have compromised who you are because you needed the job.

So when it comes down to answering how life's been treating you lately, it's not just about outside influences. It is also about the person inside who became who she is today through choices that don't always look like choices at first glance.

Who you are at your core can elude you because it gets buried in titles and positions. When the kids are young, you're a mom who's either a full-time mom or a working mom who juggles the impossible.

At work, you may have been the star employee, the overlooked woman trying to climb the ranks, or the average so-and-so who for the most part gets things done.

In your community, you're the woman who rallies the troops, joins the 5ks, or is the unknown woman who lives in that house, building, or apartment.

Perhaps you're the woman who feels she doesn't have a life and wonders how the years have slipped by so quickly.

Unchartered Territory

Some titles make us beam with pride, like mom. Others remind us of failures, like a divorce. What most of us don't realize is how easily those titles can become how we define ourselves. But what happens when kids grow up and move out? When the marriage didn't work. Or when that job you thought loved you so much decides to lay you off. Your value gauge can take a big hit. You begin to question - Who am I really? What am I supposed to do now? And what in the world do I do next?

Facing life from the vantage point and perception of ground zero can be daunting. But you’re not back to square one. You’re no longer a teen figuring things out, in your twenties trying to find your place, or in your thirties and forties building a career and family. That’s all behind you. In this special, adventurous place, you’re trying to figure out what’s next without the immense pressures we used to put on ourselves in the past. You are entering or are in the stage where you can choose a slower pace, lazy days, more vacations, more relaxation, lots of internal reflection, and the invitation to look again.

How Do You Want Life to Treat You?

Yes! I want you to answer that question and not necessarily tell me, but feel free to answer it for yourself. Grab a sheet of paper or a journal. What would your ideal look like? Wait, hang on before you keep rolling your eyes. Don’t stop reading. If it bothered you, it’s worth looking deeper. Anytime a question or statement bothers you, it is an annoying finger-pointing saying, "I really should take a look and see why."

For some of you, maybe you’re tired of trying to fix yourself, and I agree with you one thousand percent, because I’m not talking about fixing you. I’m talking about transformation, and there’s a difference. We can change habits, make better choices, and even reinvent parts of our lives, but the kind of transformation that reaches deep into who we are requires God.

When things go sideways, and life looks nothing like I expected, I have to remind myself that God isn’t scrambling to figure out what happened. He already knows the whole story. Psalm 139 tells me my days were written in His book before one of them came to be. That doesn’t mean I understand every chapter or that everything that happens is good. It means none of it catches God by surprise. Maybe I shouldn’t assume the story is over because I don’t like the page I’m on.

I believe God designed each of us uniquely, with gifts, desires, and purpose that don’t disappear because we’ve gotten older or life didn’t turn out exactly as planned. Some of it may need to be uncovered, or better yet, unearthed.

It Doesn’t Have to be Big

Many women believe they have to do huge, great things to make an impact, but that’s not true. Volunteering at small soup kitchens can have incredible ripple effects. Reading to children in libraries shapes little minds that can become deep influencers. Tucking in your grandchildren at night and giving them a sense of stability builds strong foundations. Not everybody is cut out for public speaking, writing books, leading, designing, painting, etc. Each of us has a unique gift that, when combined, contributes to our circles of influence and our worlds.

Impact doesn’t have to be big to matter. It just looks different for each of us. And because of that, I love when women get together for deep conversations.

In my experience, it nurtures the soul, and women who become friends tend to walk away with a new perspective that eventually resurrects something in them that had lain dormant for years. The what is nobody’s business but yours. That’s the whole beauty of the journey.

So…how’s life treating you? Maybe it’s time to take another look at what could be.