When You Realize Your Life Doesn't Fit

I remember the first time my jeans got pretty snug as I entered my 40s. To my dismay, I soon had to lie down to zip them up. Then the button didn't quite reach the buttonhole, and I had to tuck the sides in. Oh my gosh! I had to give up and go up a size, then another. It was disheartening.

Life can be like that, too. What used to fit doesn't fit the same way anymore, or at all, because things change. Nothing seems to stay the same, and God, I wish it did.

Difficult Transitions

What I find as I get older, and with the many transitions that life offers, is that fitting in becomes a bit more difficult. Friends move away, your main relationship can become very challenging or can fall apart altogether, or you can start to lose friends or parents. I have to tell you, I found my mom's passing extremely difficult and, quite frankly, jarring. Talk about feeling out of sorts during Mother's Day. It really stunk, and honestly, it's still tough. Although I love being a mom and my family celebrating me, the sting of missing my mom hits deep.

These events can jolt you into spaces where you feel like you no longer fit in. For example, people who still have mothers may not fully understand the pain of their mom passing. Women who still have husbands may not fully understand what it feels like to come home to an empty house and bed. These are just two examples of many.

Feeling Out of Place

I remember when I started to feel out of place at work in my late 50s. I tried so hard to fit in, but things there didn't feel right anymore. My passion was dwindling, and what I was doing no longer excited me. Then I was given a challenging position that scared me and exhilarated me right before I went into my 60s. It was a sink-or-swim project, so I had to dig deep to make it happen! You know what was strange? In the past, I could ride it out and be as happy as a clam once I'd conquered that impossible mountain.

But this time, I knew I was tired of working for someone else, and I wanted to switch gears and do something meaningful that I was deeply passionate about.

So, the feeling of not fitting in again kept washing over me, and at 62, I took the plunge and decided to retire.

YES – the question of "What now, sweetheart?" was now in my face like a screaming drill sergeant. Talk about a new season of not fitting in! Most of my friends and family members were still working. I gave up a pretty sweet income and stepped out into the unknown.

I wouldn't recommend this to most people, because you can't follow through on a decision like this without doing the numbers. I mean, you gotta live. But I knew it was the right decision for me even if it meant I wouldn't feel like I fit in for a while. You see, I not only retired, but I also moved. Not around the corner, but 3,000 miles away, and we started all over again. We felt the Lord was leading us to move and retire, so we took the leap of faith.

Fish Out of Water

One thing is for sure. When you make drastic changes as we had, you're like a fish out of water. At first, I thought it was awful, but as time has passed, I admit it has actually been a good thing. We've had a huge learning experience and have also become dependent on God for many things. Sometimes, God lets you be in a season where He uses what you're going through to prune you and help you grow. Recognizing that season is important. I believe it also prepares you for what's next.

At first, I had no idea what would come next or where God would lead me. The question He posed to me after I had asked Him, "Why am I here?" 3,000 times honestly took me aback.

As I began to weigh the meaning behind the words, I understood it was an invitation to rest in Him.

Can You Be Just Daughter?

I know you're curious to know what His response was. He asked me, "Can you be just daughter?" It wasn't "a daughter" or "the daughter," but just daughter. He asked me to be nothing else but that.

Sit with that for a moment.

How would you answer?

He didn't ask me to do anything for Him, volunteer in a church, or take over a women's ministry or congregation. It was an invitation to be His daughter. Nothing else. At first I said, "Oh yeah, I can do that," but over time, I realized the weight of His request. There was no do. There was a lot of rest and just hanging with Him.

But isn't that what we're supposed to do anyway?

The Invitation

Feeling like you don't fit in can be an invitation from God. What kind of invitation it is will need an answer from you, because we are all unique. He offers something different to each of us based on what we need during that upcoming pruning and growth season.

So if you're feeling a bit off and feel like you don't fit in, you're in good company. Maybe God wants to do something new with you, for you, and most probably through you.

It is a wonderful place to be.